Chapter 5 - Thoughts

I read Tracey's thoughts on this Chapter this morning before work and Hilda's this evening after I got home. I have spent a lot of time today thinking about this chapter -- like Hilda, this is the chapter I've enjoyed most thus far. I've done my morning pages every day this week and worked my way through the reading of the chapter and the exercises that were included. Started the Tasks yesterday and have really given a lot of thought to how I feel about the possibilities available to me. The first sentence of the chapter really resonates with me: One of the chief barriers to accepting God's generosity is our limited notion of what we are in fact able to accomplish. I think we each have our own concept of how our ability to accomplish things comes in to our lives. Our upbringing, our family, our friends, our environment, our spirituality, etc. all affect how we perceive the opportunities that are available to us and how we work within that framework. I know that, while on one level - intellectually - I believe that I/we/anyone can be anything they want to be badly enough, I frequently limit how much I'm willing to accept -- somehow, somewhere along the way, I've internalized a concept of not personally being worthy of doing something -- it's something I'm hoping this 12 week journey is going to help me to work through. And if we receive a gift beyond our imagining, we often send it back. I think about this in the context of learning to accept compliments graciously - how often have I said in response to a compliment perhaps on something I'm wearing "this old thing?", rather than just saying "thank you" and accepting the compliment in the spirit it was given. And I wonder how many gifts of the spirit I've turned back with a similar self-deprecating remark - because I'm afraid to accept the gift or compliment? Because I have a fear of appearing stuck-up or being a snob? I believe that the bounty is there and available to all of us -- I don't necessarily think it is the same for all of us and I don't mean by "bounty" that God/the creator/however you identify this entity for yourself is going to make all of us rich in a financial sense. There are different answers for all of us, I think -- spiritually, creatively, in our daily life and what we need to be comfortable there. I don't think there is one right answer for everyone - it's what makes life diverse and continually fascinating to me. Sometimes I find that I'm seeking in the wrong direction, fighting the synchronicity in my life, instead of learning to recognize it and flow with it. I want to be more sensitive to recognizing when I'm being nudged in a different direction - instead of wasting time trying to force life into the mold I've created, I want to be free enough to let go and try the nudges that the universe gives me.

Look and you will find it -- what is unsought will go undetected. Sophocles

My personal feeling is that Julia is being kind of tongue-in-cheek when she said "God has lots of money. God has lots of movie ideas, novel ideas, poems, songs, etc." I felt more like she was just trying to get across to me that there is an abundance available -- and available to me. I should be open and not limit what I'm willing to accept or try to force that abundance into my own narrow vision of what is possible -- for me or for anyone else. That's a lot of what I hope to get out of this AW exercise - a sense of the possibilities that are available to all of us and that I can branch out and take advantage of that resource as well.

I love the idea of an image file -- think about my desires and dreams, then visualize them. I thought about that in the context of cancer patients and how people always say that it is so important for someone who is faced with that kind of crisis in their life to have a good attitude. I don't want to limit that possibility to only illness or other types of personal crisis in my life - I really believe that like attracts like, and by focusing on the positive, you attract more positive forces into your life -- now I want to apply it to my creative life. I thought this chapter was a reinforcement of those concepts for me.